Kaylin’s Story

Kaylin’s Story

Growing up I was never comfortable in my own skin, I remember being in elementary and feeling ashamed of my body. I started to restrict at a very young age, I was in 6th grade the first time I skipped a meal in hopes to lose weight, but it was never as bad as it was when i started high school. I entered my freshman year scared, I was bullied throughout middle school told people that I “jiggled” that “round” was my shape that I was too stupid for school, and in high school the bullying never stopped. I began being told by people I cared about that I was a “fat-ass” or to “heavy”, maybe they were joking but for a girl already filled with insecurities, it caused me to break down, I became a vegetarian, I was a active “thinspo” supporter I filled my tumblr with emaciated girls, with bones protruding and I couldn’t help but want that, and after months of constant restricting and binging I finally surrendered. I met Kristen that December of 2011 scared and malnourished I began my journey into recovery. Treatment made me face my biggest fear, vulnerability, I was put in an environment with strangers that wanted to know the things about me that I never told anyone. Emotionally vacant I had lost all my self worth, convinced I was utterly worthless. I had never felt so alone, so different, I decided I didn’t deserve to be alive. I wanted my illness to kill me, and after being hospitalized a few times I turned to self harm. Mutilating my body chasing that euphoric “high” that came with the blood. I was deep in a downward spiral convinced I deserved to die. Depressed and suicidal I was desperate to find something to give me a reason to recover. I found it in my sisters, they became my reason to live, to keep moving forward and strive for recovery, and after a while I started to do it for my self, I realized that I deserved it. I deserved happiness, recovery. I eventually came to terms with my body, and learned that this is how I’m supposed to be, treatment helped me with that. I’ve gained so much from treatment and I don’t mean weight wise, I gained friends people who have seen the best of me and the worst of me and still care. Kristen is tough, but she’s also fun and caring and most of all dedicated, people say horrible thing about her but they don’t know that she’ll be the one to help save their life. I owe Kristen and the people at group everything, they showed me that I am worth more that the value I had placed on myself, and because of them I can say that I am happily recovered.

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